Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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