How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So squirting runs in the family.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
