Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
