our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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