Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
