Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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