Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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