Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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