is your mom at the bar?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize