I wish my penis had an off switch
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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