You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
