Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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