Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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