Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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