Can Purell be used as lube?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
