it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
