Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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