I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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