Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
