The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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