Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
