the condom got lost in my hair
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
