I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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