If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
