So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
