Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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