Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
