Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We need to rekindle our bromance
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
