But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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