I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
