Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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