Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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