I have demons in me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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