She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
