What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.