Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads

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(916): OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads http://tfl.nu/e0lk

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(415): View more from California

I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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(415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I have one thing to say: spongebath.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.

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(781): I have one thing to say: spongebath. (1-781): I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all. http://tfl.nu/ojs2

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.

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(506): i think i would be more confident if i were chinese. http://tfl.nu/cr8w

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.

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(780): we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said. http://tfl.nu/m7ps

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.

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(570): i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight. http://tfl.nu/4ka1

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(360): View more from Washington

We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.

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(360): We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times. http://tfl.nu/t6mj

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(803): View more from South Carolina

She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.

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(803): She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD. http://tfl.nu/b7tw

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.

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(610): first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/lsrh

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

You almost married that.

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(412): Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower. (1-412): You almost married that. http://tfl.nu/nlo1

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(913): View more from Kansas

He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.

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(913): He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka. http://tfl.nu/wfce

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(510): View more from California

Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.

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(510): Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages. http://tfl.nu/67hf

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(647): View more from Ontario

I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.

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(647): I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool. http://tfl.nu/nmia

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch

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(248): I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch http://tfl.nu/n34v

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

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(405): I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me. http://tfl.nu/unn4

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