come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.