the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas