I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
