god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
