i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
