my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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