Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
