ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i now understand why vodka
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
