I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
