Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
