I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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