I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
