as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
