I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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