i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
