I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
