remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
