I can't watch pbs sober anymore
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
