Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
