I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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