I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
