By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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