if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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