This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
