i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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