Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize