Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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