Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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