Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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