Im at strip club and am horny
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
