I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
