Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
