I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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