I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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