blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize