and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
