there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
handjob tips. give me some.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
