Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
