and you said cock pushups were impossible
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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